Exposing the Weeaboo and the Fangirl

This thread on 4chan’s /cgl/ board about the worst examples of the mythical weeaboo and fangirl brought back a flood of hilarious and painful memories for me.

If you’re not familiar with the term, a weeaboo is an extremely obsessed Japanese anime/manga fan (usually white, though there are exceptions) that goes out of their way to express their enthusiasm for the form, often to the point of irritation at best and physical/emotional harm at worst.

Also, the discovery of the rare Japanese “Americaphile”, a Japanese person obsessed with American culture.

An example of a typical weeaboo:

“The worst? Hmm…there have been quite a bit, since I went to an art/international studies school where you could take Japanese as a major. The worst thing wasn’t a personal experience, but it’s still pretty awful.

Of course, a lot of the students wore cat ears, fox tails, “kimonos (really just robes with Japanese-themed print),” etc. This was seen as retarded by everyone else in the school, so someone in journalism published an article in the school newspaper about the stupidity of it. A complete shitstorm ensued. During lunch the next day, group of about 15-20 weeaboos held a protest against the article. They had signs, and, I shit you not, they were saying the the article infringed on their 1st amendment rights. LOL. WUT.

Another incident isn’t personal either, but might be worse. While the Japanese teacher was out on maternity leave, we had a long-term sub. He wasn’t Japanese, but he was definitely fangirl fodder; tall, thin, pretty, big eyes, etc. Long story short, the freshman Japanese students proceeded to find out his cell phone number and distribute it to all his other fangirls. Not to mention the drew him with themselves in hentai fanart. I feel so bad for that guy.”

The Deep End:

“Back in early high school, I knew a girl COMPLETELY obsessed with Inuyasha. She grew out her nails so she could have “demon nails” and wore dog/cat/whatever ears to school. She was also a batshit insane hambeast.

I remember going over her house for a sleepover once. BAD IDEA. Her parents were out. That should have been the first clue, but my friends and I were too naive to care. Well, long story short, she sat us down and tried to get us to watch Inuyasha, then she made us watch as she made naked sims and set them on fire/drowned them.

Then the scariest thing happened. I think she legitimately went completely insane, because the next thing I knew she had fucking wrapped me up in plastic wrap and dragged me around the house.

My friends (some friends THEY were, I’m glad I moved away from them) just stared in horror. She left me in her parents room and I had to break free of the plastic wrap (she used so fucking much of it) and call my mom to come get me.

It was the most horrifying and embarrassing experience of my life, I’m very glad we moved away shortly after that. I’m still a little traumatized.”

The Japanese Americaphile:

“I have a Japanese friend who is an Americaphile. He is obsessed with Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Avril Lavigne (omfg it is so damn funny to listen to a Japanese person say her name in bad Engrish), Miley Cyrus, etc, hip hop music, he reads a lot of crappy celeb gossip magazines, dreams about meeting American celebrities…”

The J-rock fangirls:

“I have a lot of super weeaboo “friends”. And by “friends” I mean, I only see them//put up with them when I absolutely HAVE to. There is one girl in this group, that is an obsessive jrock-tard who acts like she is the “know all” about Japanese music…but in reality isn’t. She pronounces Versailles as: Ver-sail-ees and moi-meme-moitie as: moy-mee mee- moy-tie. She is also convinced that Mana and Gackt are her “soulmates” and has mini shrines made for them.”

“I don’t listen to JRock so I’m not quite sure but I think they were referencing Dir en grey.

Let’s call them A and B. A made new covers for her binders every year for school and sometimes she would just cut out the eyes of Jrockers and glue them on her binders because they were “pretty”.

She was also in the habit of wearing a corset to school and had her hair done after certain Jrockers. A claimed that she’s fluent in Japanese but everyone knew she was bullshitting because she said she was fluent in 5 different languages but no one ever heard her pronounce anything in Japanese correctly.

B loved Miyavi so she would write “MYV” on EVERYTHING. Her homework, papers we graded in class, her hand… She used to be the whitest person I know. B had a pink cap she’d wear all the time because “Miyavi has one just like it”. Or something like that.”

Now my experience with a crazy weeaboo fangirl.

I have a favorite anime forum I like to frequent and I actually met my “ex-fiancee” on the board in 2005 when I was concerned with looking for a relationship. There’s a reason it’s in quotes.

First, we start exchanging messages and talking about what anime we like and other such things. She gets the idea to swap phone numbers and we call each other to take it further. Being amenable I swap with her.

Somehow, this “relationship” went way faster than I ever expected and she started calling me Ed (FMA) as a pet name on the first day, because I explained my disability (left arm and hand are hard for me to control because of CP) to her beforehand and she somehow made the connection to the character.

I thought it was cute in that pet name sort of way, but it quickly grew old after she kept telling complete strangers that I was in fact Ed from FMA and she would not use my real name at all when talking about or to me.

To make things worse, she bragged about how small she used to be, which tripped my fangirl hambeast meter even harder. As is increasingly typical of such fangirls, she was obsessed with Inuyasha as well.

She also had mental and psychlogical problems that were not readily apparent until it was too late, which caused me much aggravation and I stupidly kept going with the “relationship” until about March of 2006 when she suddenly disappeared, only to text me out of the blue and ask me if I forgot about her. I haven’t heard from her since.

So, next time you see a Narutard eating ramen, a fangirl squeeing over a generic J-rocker or hear mangled Japanese being spoken, just quietly move on if they’re younger than 18 as they do not know better and need to learn social graces on their own.

Do not associate with them or draw attention to them if they are legal drinking age however as you will regret it, instead let them wallow in their sociapathic enthusiasm. If you do happen to get cornered by the older weeaboo or fangirl, just run as they do not understand social cues or graces such as bathing, clean clothes and other common things, being consumed by their obsession with 2D characters to the point of neglecting the aforementioned.